Eric Maisel writes: When we say that a person has boundary issues, we mean that he is doing one or the other of two inappropriate things: that he is insufficiently protecting his own being or that he is aggressively intruding on others.
This is a subject I'm thinking about lately. I'm trying to find some new writers for the writing group and, through the advertising, a past member contacted me and plans to rejoin the group. So what"s my problem?
She has a brain condition that causes her to be, most of all, angry. She's also frustrated, opinionated, bad with money, and very needy. My heart goes out to someone who has these major issues to deal with. It was no fault of her's that this happened to her. But...because I didn't protect my boundaries, I ended up giving her rides while listening to her monologue of anger the entire time. She would walk to my house then need a ride home. She borrowed cat food, telling me it had been days since her cat has eaten, and borrowed money. Because of her short-term memory problems and confusion, she would show up in my neighborhood then knock on doors until she found someone to phone me to come pick her up. The end of my patience was the 3 AM phone call from the hospital to come get her. She was raging but the doctor, in his medical wisdom, decided to send her out of the hospital in the middle of the night. She shoved a duffle bag at me and I almost fell over. It must have weighed 40 pounds. She was carrying around a cast iron cauldron and all of her Wiccan accoutrements. A police woman laughed and walked away as we left the waiting room. I think the officer knew that she was the only one present with appropriate boundaries.
And this lost soul wants to be in the writing group again. I always thought I was a kind person, but she is the one who wore me out. She showed me the water level in my well of kindness has dropped.
Why is she out in the world on her own? She has a mother, a social worker, different kinds of doctors, neighbors, yet lives alone. She won't take her medications, sleeps with any guy who shows her attention, and she just repeatedly wears people out with her inability to be happy. If I could find her mother (somewhere in Arizona) I would throttle her for abandoning her daughter.
I don't know where to set my boundary in this case. I'm not capable of throwing compassion out the window but, if she can't listen to the professionals who try to care for her, then it's hopeless. If she comes to the writing group, I won't be able to give her rides. Not even once because that's how it starts. I won't give her my phone number. This will be a major issue. With what I know now, will I be capable of setting appropriate
boundaries?
This is a subject I'm thinking about lately. I'm trying to find some new writers for the writing group and, through the advertising, a past member contacted me and plans to rejoin the group. So what"s my problem?
She has a brain condition that causes her to be, most of all, angry. She's also frustrated, opinionated, bad with money, and very needy. My heart goes out to someone who has these major issues to deal with. It was no fault of her's that this happened to her. But...because I didn't protect my boundaries, I ended up giving her rides while listening to her monologue of anger the entire time. She would walk to my house then need a ride home. She borrowed cat food, telling me it had been days since her cat has eaten, and borrowed money. Because of her short-term memory problems and confusion, she would show up in my neighborhood then knock on doors until she found someone to phone me to come pick her up. The end of my patience was the 3 AM phone call from the hospital to come get her. She was raging but the doctor, in his medical wisdom, decided to send her out of the hospital in the middle of the night. She shoved a duffle bag at me and I almost fell over. It must have weighed 40 pounds. She was carrying around a cast iron cauldron and all of her Wiccan accoutrements. A police woman laughed and walked away as we left the waiting room. I think the officer knew that she was the only one present with appropriate boundaries.
And this lost soul wants to be in the writing group again. I always thought I was a kind person, but she is the one who wore me out. She showed me the water level in my well of kindness has dropped.
Why is she out in the world on her own? She has a mother, a social worker, different kinds of doctors, neighbors, yet lives alone. She won't take her medications, sleeps with any guy who shows her attention, and she just repeatedly wears people out with her inability to be happy. If I could find her mother (somewhere in Arizona) I would throttle her for abandoning her daughter.
I don't know where to set my boundary in this case. I'm not capable of throwing compassion out the window but, if she can't listen to the professionals who try to care for her, then it's hopeless. If she comes to the writing group, I won't be able to give her rides. Not even once because that's how it starts. I won't give her my phone number. This will be a major issue. With what I know now, will I be capable of setting appropriate
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